Life is inevitable, it is going to happen whether we want it to or not

We are approaching our first deployment and it is coming at us like a freight train with its brakes blown out. Within a matter of about 14 weeks he will be clear across the world serving our country. We knew it was going to happen and we kind of put it in the back of our minds and now it is all up in our faces. I wouldn't say that I am scared for him or afraid, I know he is capable of doing his job. I am more afraid of dealing with our four year old while he is away. Basic Training and AIT were hard times for her to deal with. She loves her some Daddy. The hardest part for me is to hear her cry for him at night, or randomly burst into tears because she misses her Daddy. I can hold it together for me and keep myself in check, I just have to make sure I can hold it together for her as well. A few months ago our marriage was very rocky from a mixture of things but recently the the fighting has stopped. Yes, we have disagreements but nothing right now compares for this pending deployment. I just had to step back and let life flow. In the past I have had real bad anxiety attacks but the past few years I have been able to talk myself down from them on my own without medication. I just had to fill my perscription because the Anxiety is building daily and I am not doing as good of a job of handling it like I used to. I know it's all mind over matter but what happens when your heart is added into the equation. I can't really explain it but it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest and I cant catch my breath and the little that I can gets caught in my throat, and I panic and I try choaking back tears and im just a mess. It sucks because they come whenever they want a lot of things lately have been sparking the attacks. I think it has a lot to do with NOT KNOWING. I cannot stand not knowing, I like to feel as though I have control over my life but in a few months that will not be the case. I don't share my thoughts with my husband because he has a lot to deal with already and I don't need to add to his worries. I have to be strong for our family. Take it one day at a time, keep busy while he is gone, continue my Faith in God and surround Jordyn & myself around lots of friends and family.