STFU! K Thanks :)

My sister in law calls me yesterday and started off the conversation like this, "So, when are you going to tell everybody?" I'm confused so I'm like "ughmm tell everyone about what?" She had the nerve to say "That you're pregnant!" I felt like hanging up on her. She is not the only one that asks me that, all the time! It is getting beyond annoying. Just because Nicholas got married and were no longer living out of wedlock and he is in the Army does not mean that I am going to be popping out babies left and right! No thank you. My mother says that Jordyn needs to have siblings to grow up with. I tell her I have lots of friends that grew up as only children and they turned out just fine! Beside, I have 10 nieces and nephews. Jordyn has ENOUGH cousins to fill that sibling spot, she will be fine. Yes, I have my days when I want another baby, I will actually put a lot of thought into it, I even have names picked out for boys and girls, I wonder if he or she would look more like Nick or myself, or just like Jordyn. A few days pass and I'm completely over it for another month or so, or until I see the cutest little baby. I have my reason's and I wish people we respect that. I was never planning on having any children because I saw my older sister have my nephew at 18 and it was not an easy job, she always left me to babysit him and I love him to pieces but I kind of resented the thought after that. And not to mention that I was an extremely selfish person, I had plans, there were things I wanted to do with my life and that did not include children. I never felt like the mother type. I never remember playing with dolls and Barbies, it just wasn't my thing, you could always find me climbing trees with the neighborhood boys or fighting.

My husband wants more kids,like now, and as much as I want to do it for him, I already know how it is going to play out, the proof is already in the pudding with Jordyn. I just don't want to feel as though I am stuck like I felt in the past, when I was raising Jordyn on my own while we were on again off again. It is a horrible feeling. I did get pregnant twice after we had Jordyn, once when she was 16 months and when she was 2 years old. The first pregnancy after Jordyn was a Molar Pregnancy which basically means that somewhere along the line during osmosis and the splitting and fusion of the cells they started to cluster on top of one another. Yes, my pregnancy test came back positive but over night I went from being a few weeks pregnant to measuring about 4 months. I went for a ultra sound and all it was, was a mass in a sack with way too much fluid to be a few weeks along. I was scheduled for a D&C a few days later. I remember Nick telling me that it was all my fault that the baby was formed right because I was out drinking and partying when I didn't even know I was pregnant, he was so angry. Completely different reaction than he had when I told him I was pregnant with Jordyn and he was all for abortion. Even after the doctor explained to him that it is rare, but it does happen, there was nothing that I did to cause it, he was still upset for a few days. With the Molar Pregnancy I started for form cancer cells in my uterus and my hormone levels were still reading as if I were pregnant. So for a year once a month I had to be monitored, poked and tortured. I got pregnant again and during that time and was told that the extra blood flow you get while your pregnant was feeding the cells they were growing and clustering around the fetal sack. I had a choice to make, try and move forward with the pregnancy with high chances of miscarrying at any time and loosing a lot of blood and possibly bleeding to death or abort the the pregnancy get an biopsy done another D&C. It was clear to me that I needed to be around to take care of Jordyn, that was just a chance I could not take. They were able to recover the cells and my hormone levels have been back to normal for a little over three years. From then on out I have been scared shitless. I went and got the Mirena IUD birth control put in, because it seems as though every time Nicholas and I do mate we procreate. I have been on the BC for 3 years, I have 2 more years before I have to take it out or insert a new one. I most likely will insert a new one. Nicholas wants a boy so bad, and he got a tomboy in a tu tu. If I knew for sure that we were having a boy from day one I think I would do it. But there are no guarantees in life. So for right now one child is enough for me. I honestly don't have the patience for more than one, Jordyn most definitely gives me a run for my money. I hate feeling overwhelmed and like I have no control over my life. I know my limits and how much I can take. I feel so bad when I see young girls not even women who have all these young children and they look so ran down and tired and like they are going to cry or snap at any moment. Especially Military wives who have to do it all on their own basically. That just a roller coaster ride that I would not like to take personally.

If I were to get pregnant while on the Mirena than it is meant to be, but until then if then ever presents its self it is going to be just the three of us.